Husband and wife fight, why?

Fighting may be physical but mostly a verbal or rhetorical disagreements with one another. It may involve essential-to-living issues, but can include petty ones. This happens among spouses, with loving cultural and religious background, irrespective of sexuality. Just imagine, multiply this by population and you have the whole humanity’s woes to deal with,

Differences are resolved in many ways. Ideally, they talk about their disputes and resolve them amicably, hoping for the best, and only to find themselves back later in the same conversational rut. Some use “taking-deep-breath and move-on strategy”, ignoring the problem, staying mum, “spouse-distancing” and the like. Others enjoin the help of psychologist, psychiatrist and marriage counselor, but still may end up in divorce with its own inherent challenges.

Cause of a Fight?

Fighting is not limited to spouses. Even those without spousal relationship are not immune to disputes. But, why? What causes people to fight? Paul in James 4:1 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”

It is “desires/temptations that battle within ..”. These desires then lead to actions whether to take “right or left of the fork as Yogi Berra famously said.

Proverbs 29:22 “An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin. Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.

And to stay away from fighting, many biblical refrains and advices are given, viz.,,

2 Timothy 2:24, Colossians 3:8; Ephesians 4:31; 1 Peter 2:1-3; Galatians 5:19-25; Proverbs 24:29; Romans 12:17-19; Romans 12:20-21; Matthew 5:39; Luke 6:29-31; Proverbs 17:9; 1 Peter 4:8-10; Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15; Matthew 5:23-24; 2 Timothy 2:24; Psalm 37:8

With the advices and reasons given from the preceding references, still, are we empowered to act as God wants us to do?

But how to do? Aren’t ”they shall be one”?

Aren’t they supposed to be “one” as prophesied in Genesis? One with each other or “one with God”? So many things can be done by each other to be “one”. Talking, knowing, acknowledging each other’s needs, wants , expectations and just give in to one another can be a solution to be “one with each other”. As the good book says, love is giving your life( it preferences/predilections) to each other.

With many and diverse differences with males and females, genetically, anatomically, intellectually, emotionally, culturally, behaviorally and perception of what is at hand and confronting them, will this approach (doable as they maybe with patience and love), be sustainable? Are we really “empowered” to do that? As much effort we come to bear, it does not appear to be. So, could it be with someone else and into that someone, that they have to be “one” with, not with each other?

In-dwelling of the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 5:16-18 “So I tell you, live the way the Spirit leads you. Then you will not do the evil things your sinful self wants. The sinful self wants what is against the Spirit, and the Spirit wants what is against the sinful self. They are always fighting against each other, so that you don’t do what you really want to do. But if you let the Spirit lead you, you are not under law”

Ephesians 6:13-15 “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” This “armor of God” has been identified to be the Holy Spirit that bears “fruits” as enumerated.

Ephesians 6:12 “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.” Our battle is against evil temptations and following the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we will overcome.

The above references punctuate the need for in-dwelling of the Holy Spirit at the time appointed for our “ongoing creation” and by a process started in and by Jesus Christ for our “salvation”, i.e., our immortality, and being “one with the Father”. Yes, “with the Father”.

This is what is spoken to also in James 1:12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”


Disputes, misunderstanding, conflicts happen, not only to spouses but to all…a “bane to humanity”. There are many interventions we can do to be reconciled with one another, especially with our spouse;those actions are salutary and we must continue on doing.

But, while there are human ways to resolve the problem, our abilities are limited as there are so many permutations inherent in our creation. It has been planned to be solved by God, with what is “sweet savor” to him and through a process that started in and by Jesus Christ.

The admonition of Paul takes on a new meaning when he said, “ follow me as I follow Christ”. In other words, let us be oneas Christ is one with the Father”. No longer should the question be whether either spouse is right or wrong on the issue . Instead, the question should be, “what does Jesus say about this issue that divides us”? Oneness is with the Father as prophesied in the “wedding of the Lamb and the Church” in Revelations. With this “oneness”, our own deficiency will be “non sequitur”.

We are thankful for this strategic plan laid out from the foundation of the world, truly the “destiny of man”.

God Bless🙏😇😊

Original Post: April 1,2020

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